Author: 公子于歌 / Gong Zi Yu Ge
Translator: Kinky || https://kinkytranslations.com/
Chapter 194: Do You Still Love Me After So Many Years? [Extra: Bai Yueguang (3)]
After not seeing him for so many years, Bai Qingquan had looked even better. His whole body seems to be glowing, making him more vivid, authentic, and beautiful than the man that he had seen on screen.
Bai Qingquan was already very beautiful when he was in junior high school. He was tall, fair, and thin but because of his docility and honesty, he failed to become the school grass*.
*Reminder: This is basically the handsomest guy in the school.
The school grass was never just about appearance, but also need some degree of popularity. The school grass of their junior high school was a boy name Zou Haifeng.
Once, a few of them slackers were talking about girls together when someone said: “Have you ever seen that kid name Bai in 306? I think he’s more handsome than that kid Zou Haifeng.”
“He’s not handsome. He looks like a girl.”
This is the first time Shi Lei had heard of Bai Qingquan. Among his buddies, there was one name Wang Yu who was chasing a girl in her second year of junior high. As a result, he found that the girl liked Bai Qingquan, so it made him scold him at least five times daily: “He’s just a kid with a little white face and barely any hair. One day, laozi will kill him.”
Later he had learned more from Wang Yu about him. What poked him the most was that he heard Bai Qingquan was orphaned when he was very young and lived with his uncle’s family.
Although there are hundreds of students in the school, it is the first time he has encountered someone who has similar family circumstances like him. Just from hearing about Bai Qingquan in a few sentences, he felt that he had already developed an inexplicable sense of closeness to him.
This led to him paying more attention to Bai Qingquan, and the more he paid attention, the more he like what he saw.
The young man’s love was pure and cautious, despite facing such a fearless devil gangster like him.
He thought that Bai Qingquan looked beautiful and tender. He was fascinated by his smile. His usual gentle and lively demeanor made Shi Lei want to pity and bully him.
He felt that they were extremely compatible when holding each other, to keep each other warm. He wanted to kiss him, embrace him, and take care of him.
He didn’t like to study, and he couldn’t learn well, thus he didn’t bother with school and spent all his time thinking about how to get to know Bai Qingquan.
He couldn’t come up with anything good, resulting him just following Bai Qingquan around which eventually led to him getting further acquainted with him and then they started going to and from school together.
With each passing day, his love for Bai Qingquan grew. He felt that as a son from a reformed prisoner, he had possessed abnormal genes in his bones that cause him to like this person to an incredible degree. When he arrives at school, he would already look forward to self-study in the evening. As soon as he goes to bed, he would look forward to the coming early dawn. If it was a holiday or Sunday, where he couldn’t see Bai Qingquan, he would feel uncomfortable. When he had nothing to do, he would wander near Bai Qingquan’s home.
It seems that in his messy and dark life, there was suddenly light and hope that was worth chasing. He was no longer muddle and his life suddenly had goals. He has experience all the beautiful throbbing of a first love for the first time in his life. It was beautiful, so beautiful that every time it would stun him, as he can’t believe that there was such a pleasant feeling that existed in life.
Bai Qingquan’s grandmother was poor in health and had severe rickets. Most often, she would sit alone in the front yard and basks in the sun. Bai Qingquan’s uncle usually isn’t home while his aunt was a domineering woman with a powerful voice.
Bai Qingquan himself was very quiet, like a daughter-in-law. When he thought of daughter-in-law, he became very excited. He felt that Bai Qingquan was very suitable to be his wife*. Despite wanting a boy to be his wife, he didn’t feel ashamed, confuse, but contrarily, quite excited.
*Clarity: the term is (媳妇) which refers to the son’s wife/wife/married women. || Depending on context, the former is referring to a daughter-in-law, while he himself is referring to Bai Qingquan as his wife.
He was really deviant. Perhaps he was abnormal. As he was walking with Bai Qingquan in the dead of the night, when there was no one around, listening to Bai Qingquan’s slight breathing, he suddenly felt a strong enthusiastic urge to kiss him.
But as with most normal people in the world, they are still normal and would react normally, as Bai Qingquan was scared away.
He was about to drop out of school. His mother had passed away, and he no longer needs to stay at home to take care of her. His grandparents were already old and he couldn’t learn anything in school, so he decided to follow his relatives to work in the city. As he was leaving, there was no longer time to get along with Bai Qingquan slowly.
What Bai Qingquan told him was right. He was abnormal.
They have barely spoken to each other. He hasn’t started to fall in love yet and it could be seen as him just messing around, and on top of that it was with another man. If it wasn’t perverted, then what is?
Such a beautiful person as Bai Qignquan shouldn’t be dragged into this messy life by him. He was like the stars and moon in the sky and should life the best life in the world. In the future, he would marry a wife and have children, and not be a pervert like him.
It’s nice that Bai Qingquan didn’t like men.
Before setting off, he asked for a group photo of Bai Qingquan with his class. He put it in his pocket and followed his relatives with a bag on his back. He was only sixteen years old then, and with the little beautiful love that he formed, he went to develop his own life.
He was courageous, hardworking, and was able to endure all kinds of hardships. When he was particularly tired, he would dream of the best life he can live in the future, where he would have enough money. He would be together with Bai Qingquan and work part-time and attend college with him.
This was the best life that his mind could imagine at that time. At the age of a newborn calf, they dare to think of unrealistic romances and ambitions.
For someone like him who has no money, no power, and no education, he could still be considered a good guy, but Bai Qingquan was better than him. One year, he suddenly saw Bai Qingquan on a variety show. He had changed his name but he still recognized him from just a glance.
Bai Qingquan, Bai Qingquan.
The bright moon shone among the pines, and the clear springs and stones flowed up.
He thought lovingly that this name might have something to do with him*.
*Reminder: The [Shi] (石) in [Shi Lie] (石磊) is stone, referring to the stone in the line “Clear spring stone flows upwards”. The clear spring in that line is [Qingquan] (清泉). As you can see, their names are related to this line of the poem which is why Shi Lei thought this.
In the summer of that year, two people emerged in the entertainment industry. One was Shen Jintai, and the other was Bai Qingquan. The two of them were like a red and white rose. One was flirtatious and gorgeous, and the other was pure and beautiful.
Since then, he could see Bai Qingquan wherever he goes. There were so many people that adored and loved him that he probably wouldn’t remember there was once a slacker who wanted to eat swan meat*. Although it was reckless and abrupt, the first love of his life he gave his all to it. Because he was abnormal, paranoid, and stubborn, ever since then he had not like any others.
*The full idiom is the toad wants to eat swan meat (癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉) = Refers to people who have no self-knowledge and want to get things that are impossible to get.
Although he saw Bai Qingquan through the screen, while beautiful, it wasn’t sincere. Seeing him now standing in front of him vividly, Shi Lei felt overwhelmed with excitement.
Bai Qingquan’s hands were very warm and soft, with green onion-like fingers, fair and slender, unlike his. Even though he had stop doing rough labor in the past two years, his skin was tan and he looked rough around the edges.
The two released their hands as the bell suddenly rang. Bai Qingquan quickly put on his mask as it was his instinctive reaction. After putting it on, he remembered his celebrity status. He thought that Shi Lei should have seen his works and knew who he was now.
Students began to pour out of the classroom. Bai Qingquan asked as they walked downstairs: “Did you come back to participate in the school celebration?”
Shi Lei said: “No.”
He was not an honorary alumnus. He had learned from a friend in his hometown that Bai Qingquan was coming back to participate in the 50th anniversary celebration and after thinking about it all night, he decided to return.
He wanted to see Bai Qingquan.
He didn’t know what he was going to do or what use it was. Ordinary people like him have too few opportunities to see Bai Qingquan. He felt if he didn’t see him again, he may not be able to let this person go for the rest of his life.
But when he saw Bai Qingquan just now, he only felt his heartbeat getting stronger. Bai Qingquan was too excellent that he couldn’t touch him. Coupled with his juvenile filter, Bai Qingquan was truly like the bright moon in the sky and the treasure in his heart.
The deeper the gap between the two, the heavier the covetousness. Knowing that it was impossible, he can only suppress it and not reveal any hints of it.
He kept looking at Bai Qingquan, and when he noticed that Bai Qingquan turned his head to look over, he laughed. The ruffian aura on his body faded and the tip of his nose was slightly red from the cold. He said: “I’ve watched many of your works.”
Bai Qingquan smiled. The mask was covering most of his face but his eyes were curved.
“Have you visited the elders?” Shi Lei asked.
Bai Qingquan said: “No, I just arrived. As soon as I got here, I came to the teaching building and met you. Why were you upstairs in this building anyways? I remember that your class was in the east building.”
“I saw you,” Shi Lei said: “Thinking that it might be you, I came over to take a look, but I didn’t expect it to turn out to be really you.”
Bai Qingquan smiled and said: “I thought I was heavily armed and tightly wrapped up.”
He felt embarrassed so he looked at the playground and said: “Nothing has really changed.”
“Let me show you around. I am familiar with this area.” Shi Lei said.
Bai Qingquan took out his phone while walking, and his excitement gradually surfaced. He felt that this was too coincidental. With a heart of gossip, he immediately sent a text to Shen Jintai: [Guess who I met at school?!]
Then he sent an emoji of groundhogs screaming. After sending it, he put his phone back in his pocket and followed Shi Lei’s footsteps.
He had actually fantasized about seeing Shi Lei again many times before and had made many assumptions. Now that he had truly met him, fortunately, he felt at eased. Their teenage years have long passed many years ago and they were not who they used to be.
As he walked, he chatted with Shi Lei, asking about how he’s been over the years and what he was doing now. He felt moved when he learned that Shi Lei had opened a small company.
It was great that they have all live a much better life now than before. Shi Lei was doing well and he was happy for him. Knowing that Shi Lei was also in Nancheng, he was even more surprised: “If you have a chance in the future, we should meet and have a meal together.”
Shi Lei said: “Okay. Then let’s add each other as friends.” As he said it, he took out his phone.
Bai Qingquan did the same and as he scanned his WeChat, they both became embarrassed… because Shi Lei’s avatar was Zhou Jing, the role he played in <The East Palace is Coming>.
Shi Lei didn’t expect that he could add Bai Qingquan on WeChat so when he opened WeChat, he suddenly thought about his avatar. Bai Qingquan was even more surprise and this made his heart jumped wildly.
Shit. What does this mean? Shi Lei still didn’t really like him all this time, right…?
As soon as this thought came, he felt hot in his cheeks, and the mood in his heart suddenly changed. Probably because of his juvenile filter, that while many others had liked him, compared to them, Shi Lei was different.
He actually liked Shi Lei, especially in the years when he was awakened to his sexuality. After realizing that he liked men, he would think of Shi Lei from time to time, and felt that it was the biggest shortcoming from his adolescence.
“I like The East Palace very much,” Shi Lei said lightly.
Bai Qingquan said: “I see. Alright, I’ve accepted.”
After they have accepted each other, Bai Qingquan clicked on Shi Lei’s friend’s circle and found there was no one in his circle of friends. He suddenly thought if Shi Lei was still single. He only asked about his job, but he didn’t know his relationship or even marital status. He glanced at Shi Lei’s finger but did not see a ring.
His phone buzzed. It was a message from Shen Jintai: [Who did you meet? Your senior?!]
Fuck. Did Shen Jintai have clairvoyance and omniscience*?!
*Refers to the sibling gods Qianliyan and Shunfeng’Er. Qianliyan possesses sight that can see for thousands of miles while Shunfeng’Er can hear all the words carried by the winds. || Refer to my Bu Tian Gang lore glossary if you want to learn more about them.
He immediately replied: [???!!!]
Shen Jintai: [Damn. When you said you were going back to your hometown to participate in acitivities for your alma mater, the senior you mentioned before came to my mind. Isn’t this too coincidental?]
Since Shi Lei was still by his side, Bai Qingquan couldn’t keep looking at his phone, so he didn’t reply, but Shen Jintai kept texting: [Did you really meet? What does he look like? Take a picture and show me!]
Bai Qingquan secretly picked up the phone while walking, but only photographed Shi Lei’s back: [Look at his back. It’s very handsome.]
It was tall and sturdy, with a crew cut that made him look like a dragon and tiger.
Honestly speaking, Bai Qingquan hadn’t expected Shi Lei to become so high-quality. He was tall, muscular, resolute, and heroic with a deep outline that made him more handsome than when he was a teenager. His had the vigor of a wolf and a sense of maturity beyond his actual age. Bai Qingquan has been in the entertainment industry for a long time and has seen many handsome men. While Shi Lei wasn’t as good-looking as they were, he was still better looking than the average passersby. He was a little rough around the edges compared to celebrities, but this rough feeling wasn’t rustic, and he was like a walking pheromone.
At the age of 25, this was the prime age for a man.
Is it normal for ordinary people to use photos of celebrities as their avatar of people that they had a crush on in their youth?
That would be too coincidental.
Bai Qingquan put his hands in the pocket of his coat and couldn’t help straightening his waist as he strolled around campus with Shi Lei.
It was very cold, but Shi Lei’s palms were sweating. He could only secretly glanced at Bai Qingquan when he wasn’t paying attention. Bai Qingquan was dressed in a famous brand outfit that complimented his tall figure. He exuded what was seemingly endless fragrance, but he could only see his beautiful eyes as everything else was tightly wrapped and covered.
He had come here to let go of his knot as he thought seeing how unattainable Bai Qingquan was, he would finally allow his feelings to die. He didn’t expect to meet Bai Qingquan again, and it only made his heart become hotter as the urge to bite the swan meat rose again.
Even if you can’t eat it, it was still good to look at it.
Even if you can’t bite it, it was still worth dying for.
He was truly an abnormal pervert in this world. He thought about this person so paranoically and had defiled him countless times in his dreams. He would indulge in them madly as he went crazy committing adultery with him. He was not worthy of this person, but he was extremely eager to get him. If he could obtain him, he would give up everything that he could give.
The author has something to say：
If you don’t die, you can keep eating.
Sishi’s* story was very hard to read but now you know everything!
*Author’s nickname for Shi Lei.
Kinky Thoughts: Oh~ this chapter was written beautifully. Shi Lei’s and Bai Qingquan’s past makes my heart pitter-patter.